Initially, I hadn’t planned on writing up my thoughts on this movie. But the more it macerated in the back of my brain, the less I could push it aside and focus on something else.
I would like to start by saying that the PotC movies are not the sort I walk into with any expectation other than being entertained. I don't plan on coming out of the theater with a sudden expansion of my knowledge on gender politics in the 1800s. And so, I enjoyed this one. But of course, my level of enjoyment comes with a whole lot of opinions on what was wrong.
While I realize that this film and the third film were released ten years apart, and that a “hey remember this?” opening sequence was necessary, it felt a little like the writer didn’t go back and remind themselves.
I was not a big fan of broody Will Turner
He'd been captain of the flying Dutchman for what... 9? years at that point? (I think the papers on the wall hinted that the kid was 8, idk)
Also, if the previous reasoning for Jones and his crew being all sea-creatured out was that he'd forsaken Calypso (and vise versa), why was Will going gilly at the beginning? This implies a similar situation with Elizabeth, and that doesn’t seem to have happened…
I REALLY wanted Will to rescue the kid, get to the surface and be like “GD-it NOT AGAIN!” like it was the fourth or fifth time he'd done it or something.
The kid they got to play Lil' Turner was a great choice physically (if Kira Knightley and Orlando bloom were to have had offspring, I’m sure one of them would have looked like an approximation of him). But he felt rather... lost in the plot. The movie was definitely more about Karina and Jack. And while that’s okay, it didn’t feel like it was intentional.
I appreciated the fact that though lil' turner wasn't super present, his bits in the plot were fun... and it was also great that he was not a actually good at the sea stuff (though one would assume that having a father who captains the Lost Dutchman and sniffing out sea legends would have made it a sailor’s life for him.)
Give me more of the witch
What little marketing I’d seen had me prepped and ready for the the McCartney cameo, but I was not expecting Golshifteh to show up (I’ve totally got a crush on her). So I was REALLY annoyed that the witch was basically forgotten after the midpoint. I’d assume they plan to do another movie (maybe two) wherein witchy-poo has a bigger chunk of the plot, but she felt like such a disappointing afterthought here.
CGI-d young Johnny Depp was bad
There were a half dozen jack sparrows at comicon that would have been amazing stand ins... there had to have been an actor somewhere out there that was the right approximation that they then could have dubbed JD’s voice over. Hell, get Penelope Cruz back.
Salazar and Silent Mary
Salazar and his crew were cool (if a little too much like the original cursed pirates), the missing pieces made them more ghost than Zombie, and that was lovely. LOVED the sharks, even if they were zombies.
Mostly, I liked that Salazar was the antagonist while he was still technically the good guy
I did not understand how Salazar knew the compass was his ticket out of the triangle... I did not understand how Salazar and the crew were certain he'd be unable to get out of lil' turner if he possessed him.... or even that that would work for walking on dry land. There were a lot of leaps there.
They could have done better
I would have liked the whole plot better if, in finding all his info on the legends, Henry had gone looking FOR Karina and the book. Like... he'd signed onto that ship to work the bilge in order to get to St Martin because he'd heard that she was there (and also, that maybe there would be info on Jack). Have them driven together PURPOSEFULLY.she can still escape from the jail and you can still have the bank robbery, but her finding him in the hospital/jail thing made little sense to me.
Random notes in no order at all
It's PotC, you expect something like the bank robbing scene. It is a given. However
there is a point at which the joke gets WAY too long and this one definitely did.
I did not see a reason for the weird wedding scene…
I loved the dividing of the sea and the curtain of water on either side.
The tonail thing physically hurt.
Also, I’m ashamed to say it took me far too long to get the whole Astronomy/breeding donkeys thing.
I did really enjoy the guillotine scene
The island of stars was really cool, and the parting of the seas was cooler… but the distance they'd have had to walk to get to the trident seems ridiculously far for the time in which they traverse it.
And I don't get how... if the trident broke all the curses... how Davey Jones would have come back
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