Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters

Left in the woods as children, Hansel and Gretel are captured by a witch who lives in a house made of candy. But before she can eat them they manage to knock her into her own oven, escaping death. Now, grown up and with a reputation as the baddest witch hunters around, they’ve come to a small village where children are disappearing at an alarming rate – and in unusual ways. But figuring out what this witch wants will prove what they knew of their past to be wrong, and could alter their future for good… or evil.

My Thoughts:

This could have been retitled: Gretel and her brother who must have a weapon on his shoulder AT ALL TIMES. He’s got a gun perched there whenever he can, and when he loses his gun, he’ll pick up the nearest piece of timber. It was a subtle thing that I found remarkably funny.

The Dialog is weird at first, but once you realize it’s a cheesy comedy, we’re good. It actually improves things a bit. Oddly most of the oddity (and eventual awesomeness) comes in Jeremy Renner’s lines.

I would have preferred a less rote opening sequence. More explanation of what the Hell a “Granwitch” is, and can I get one at the local Deli? Or is it more like the Broodwitch? Also, a little more about the sugar sickness would have been great. For instance, how is it that there’s such a high prevalence of sugar sickness that it’s just a “thing” in the film? Are there that many kids getting away from witches?

CREEP-O FAN KID ALERT! There’s something to be said for hero-worship. There’s something else entirely to be said for getting too  friendly in your “cleaning” of a girl who’s passed out. I wasn’t really sure what was going on with him. We’re introduced to him as he steals milk from a village stall, and then he’s the uber-nerd of the village/pervert, and then he’s totally okay with the “Glinda” character, and then he’s suddenly a part of the team. His inclusion mostly just confused me.

I did not think the Sheriff was going to go out that quickly. I enjoy Peter Stormare as an actor. I did not like his mustache. There is something enjoyable about a chick beating the crap out of a prick, and so Gretel’s treatment of him was comical. But I expected her to save him. To give himself a chance to redeem himself… so his death was surprising – but not unwelcome..

In All honesty, I do think they could have sub-titled the movie “Who the fuck is Edward?” But why is it the troll had to have such a boring name as that? Also, when did Gretel decide that a troll was the best thing to just FLOP down on? and since when do we assume Trolls are good pillows?

This flick had some of the best approaches to fight scenes I’ve seen in ages. I was really happy with the fact that each fight saw the siblings getting their asses handed to t hem. The “Roll in like a badass” foiling at the end is probably my favorite, though. It’s one of those things that has always bothered me about fight scenes. I’m sure there’s some tactical advantage to rolling through that door… but EVERYONE KNOWS YOU’RE GOING TO DO IT AT THIS POINT. So I was happy to see the baddie prepared.

Some Thoughts on Humor

When it comes to humor, I don’t find a lot of American humor funny. I think that as a whole the majority of American humor seems to have devolved into mindless laughs and that tends to bore me. Forgive me for being one of the people in this world who doesn’t like Adam Sandler, Ben Stiller, Eddie Murphy, Seth Rogan, Vince Vaughn, or Will Farrell’s comedy. (I happen to love Farrell’s serious stuff, by the by)

I didn’t enjoy Chris Farley back in the day either, and while I do enjoy a few of the 80s era comedies, they’re usually more closely tied to a different genre than just plain comedy, and I rarely think of them as a Comedy per se, (notably Ghost Busters and

Probably one of my least favorite things is people acting stupid for the sake of laughs. I don’t find it funny, the whole of it makes me uncomfortable. And I feel like it encourages people to act like idiots in the hopes that someone will think they’re funny.

I think the reason I like British humor – apart from their accents (kidding) – is the fact that a large part of their humor is based in situational comedy. It’s not a series of one liners, it’s a progression that gets funnier as it goes along. The subject matter can still be crude (Coupling was an entire series devoted to the humor of Sex) without being overtly shovey. And most of all, you rarely see people acting like idiots simply for the sake of being idiots.

Big Bang Theory Season Six, Episode 2: The Decoupling Fluctuation

When Penny reveals to Amy and Bernadette that she thinks she might break up with Leonard, Amy is unable to keep it from Sheldon (aka: the worst secret keeper ever), and while Sheldon may not feel much in the way of affection for Penny (Or anyone for that matter), he likes things the way they are and proceeds to do what he can to keep Leonard and Penny together.

Howard’s time aboard the space station is not the fun time he’d expected when he becomes the butt of all the jokes for the other two astronauts on board. And when he takes Bernadette’s advice to stand up for himself, things don’t go well.

Stewart has slipped into the group as a Howard replacement for the time being, and politely asks Leonard not to ruin it for him while Sheldon scientifically goes about determining whether he would work in the long term. And though he’s a far cry from Howard, Raj – of all of them – seems to genuinely like his company.

My Thoughts:

Sheldon’s desire to maintain their friend circle’s homeostasis, while seeming to be purely selfish in its motivations at first is redeemed when he quietly asks penny “Please don’t hurt my friend.” There’s something beautifully childlike about the way he says it, and that emotion is not one that you see often from Sheldon, which makes glimpses of it all the more special.

With Howard in space for the time being, it makes his and Bernadette’s portions of the episodes feel segmented and a little awkward. It feels like they’re so distant from the group and because of that I have a hard time sliding between group dynamics to their portions.

I’m interested to see how Stewart fits into the show as the episodes go on, and how he’ll cling to the group when Howard returns.

Big Bang Theory Season Six, Episode 1: The Date Night Variable

When Sheldon invites Raj along on his date with Amy, she gets upset by the lack of commitment he has, and tells Raj to leave after he doesn’t get the hint when she mentions it’s their second anniversary. In the end, Amy tells Sheldon they are over unless he can say something meaningful and from the heart. He does – though it’s a direct quote from Spiderman – and she accepts it.

Leonard has Penny over for a night that’s all about her (queue the pizza, beer and football) but nearly ruins it all by trying to force Penny to talk about their relationship. When Raj arrives, having been kicked out of Sheldon and Amy’s Date night, it seems like the relationship talk is off the table, that is until Raj finds out that Penny has never told Leonard she loves him. Urging her to do so sees Raj back on his own.

Howard is on the international space station, and between his work he’s bombarded by phone calls from his mother and his new wife both have problems he doesn’t want to deal with, and so when his mother tells him he’s not moving out, and when his wife tells him they are… he takes the easy way out and lies to both of them, vowing to stay in space for the rest of his life.

At the end of the night, with nowhere else to go except an empty apartment, Raj visits the comic book store and has a brief moment with Stewart, but before he leaves he sets up a plan to meet up the next night – and it comes off as a date – but Stewart’s down and agrees.

My Thoughts:

Sometimes I feel sorry for Amy and Sheldon, other times just for her, and yet other times I feel like they’re perfect for each other and they’ll eventually get past her relationship hang ups or he’ll find a way to conform to her ideal. I do love the one on one moments with them, as it gives us a moment to step back, look at the world as if they are the norm, and realize it’s not so terribly strange. The Spiderman speech was adorable – especially if he meant it , though I’m not sure he did – and it would be interesting to see what would happen if she actually broke up with him…. So I’ll be waiting for that episode.

Leonard and Penny do really need to work out their issues or move on. It’s adorable that, not knowing enough about sports, Leonard still tries. And I have a feeling that sort of a date is as romantic a gesture as anything Leonard could have done for Penny.

Bernadette and Howard’s relationship is the only one in this show that conforms to the general gender norms, and I always find that interesting. I love the bits with Howard, mostly for the attempt at zero gravity, and the wisecracking Russian constantly piping in. Though I always enjoy angry Bernadette it’s just so funny to see someone that small boiling mad.

I’d love to see them take a different angle with Raj and Stewart, even if they do settle into pseudo homosexual relationship; I’ll probably enjoy those bits of the show. Stewart deserves more air time, and it makes sense for Raj to find someone else to spend most of his time with now that Howard is married.

Iron Sky

When a promotional trip to put a black man on the moon goes wrong and he’s captured by Nazis, the group of Nazis who’ve been living on a base on the dark side of the moon since 1945 realizes the key to their successful invasion of Earth lies in the micro computers known as “Cell Phones.” Having turned their captured James Washington Aryan, the next in line for command of the fourth reich heads to the surface of the planet to procure more cell phones. But his plans are side tracked as he falls in league with a PR dictator.

My Thoughts:

This flick was really funny, I realize I’m about to heavily critisice it – but that’s from a historical/political stand point. I was laughing through about 85% of this film.

After the initial “Holy wow! There are Nazis on the Moon?” moment, this film has the cutest German lilted data dump ever.

I’m not sure I believe that Nazis, even moon Nazis, would use “albinizer” on a black man. And even if they did/would, albinism is a genetic defect… one the Aryan race might not have thought to be the worst… but still, they were looking for perfection. A defect doesn’t really work in their favor.

I do have a really hard time with how dumb the character of James Washington is when he first finds himself with the Nazis. I mean, here’s a guy who eventually uses a Dr. Mengle reference, but sees a group of guys in Nazi uniforms and thinks that talking about his love of sauerkraut is going to be a distraction. Sure, it works, but not at all well.

While I found the whole of the film’s portrayal of Americans – more specifically the American Government – to be a funny series of jibes. I’m sure there are a lot of people who would not find it funny. Maybe that’s why it took so long to get to an easily accessible American audience.

The character of Vivian Wagner was a little too much imo. She passed the point of being funny, and moved into the realm of wholly unbelievable. And I am not even going to talk about her wardrobe because I don’t think I’ll ever be able to come to terms with how messed up it was.

I totally want a space Zeppelin.  

IRON OXIDE SKY, the sequel, will take place on Mars – the “Red” planet will be overrun by Commies. (Kidding of course)

Mirror, Mirror

 Mirror, Mirror



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 Why I saw it: Okay, so, I don’t like Julia Roberts, she bugs me and the second I saw that Nathan Lane was in the cast, I knew what sort of a movie it was going to be… but I still went and saw it because I love Tarsem. I knew my eyes would be in for a visual candy fest.

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What I thought: While it was not the best adaptation of the story I’ve seen, I found it enjoyable enough… and the random bollywood number during the credits is just wacky to bump the movie up a little. There are a few moments of comedic gold, but other than that, I found the story straightforward. I don’t know if it’s this could be considered the worst take on Snow White I’ve seen… and as there are two more coming out shortly (One I’m wary of and one I’m actually kind of excited about) I think I’m going to save my judgment on this front. It followed the base guidelines of the story well enough and while I was not a fan of Army Hammer’s performance, Lilly Collins was decent enough. And I loved the Dwarves… but then, I always love the Dwarves. (I think it’s worth seeing if you like fairy tale adaptations – if you’re looking for something more a mix of this and the next item on the list consider Snow White: A Tale of Terror with Sam Neil and Sigourney Weaver.

Run Time: 106 minutes

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Bridesmaids

When Annie’s best friend Lillian gets engaged, Annie’s slowly crumbling life is brought into sharp relief by the introduction of the rest of Lilian’s bridal party – especially one rich bitch who wants to hog the spotlight.

My Thoughts:

While I didn’t hate her, the main character teeters on the line of “unlikable” throughout the film. There is a point at which self-pity brings nothing but revulsion. And while yes, a flawed main character is good, a pathetic one is not.

Melissa McCarthy was wonderful, there is something about her unfeminine portrayal of the character that I find incredibly endearing.

The age of the cast was something I was happy about. Not because I think that younger girls getting married is an unfortunate standard society is clinging to, but because I found their range to be something you’d be likely to see.

 “Roy” from the IT Crowd!

I’m not personally a fan of grotesquerie, so the poop humor in the fittings portion was not funny to me. But unlike a lot of comedies coming out anymore, it only had a total of two moments where I felt completely uncomfortable and didn’t care about the rest of the movie. The never ending bridal shower toast was the other.

While I love Wendi McLendon-Covey, her character Rita, the “Cousin,” is a little too jarring to be actually funny (IMO)

The “rich” friend was too over the top, making her eventual redemption a little overly predictable. Also, while I think Rose Byrne is very pretty, I felt like the resounding opinion that she was phenomenally beautiful was a little too pushy.

Tucker & Dale Vs. Evil

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Tucker and Dale Vs. Evil is a comedy of errors with horrific consequences.

Overall:

This movie takes the horror formula and provides an incredibly hilarious take on what’s actually going on. It’s still gory, but there’s something incredibly endearing about the aftermath of each death.

What it had going for it:

This movie managed to not take itself too seriously… and at the same time it didn’t devolve into blatant stupidity.

It took a relatively tired genre, and managed to integrate a humorous tone that made a rather over-done story line far from boring.

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Tucker and Dale themselves are well developed characters who make being a “hillbilly” not seem so bad. They’re still two best friends trying to have a weekend to themselves that goes terribly awry.

The problems:

Allison, the female lead is a college student getting her bachelor’s in psychology. And at a pivotal point in the story, she tries to use the knowledge she’s gained through her schooling to defuse the situation. It doesn’t work, and not necessarily because of her influence, but I think that anyone would agree, she’d better be in her first term… otherwise, she needs to pick a different major, or transfer to a different school, because she doesn’t know jack about counseling. Basically, what I’m getting at, is that this aspect of the character could have been better fleshed out.

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The other college kids aren’t fleshed out more than their archetypical skeletons.

The film starts out with the revelation of the “killer” through “found footage” (sort of) and then flashes back to “3 days earlier” and continues on until you meet up. I felt that this could easily have been left out and not been detrimental. As it was, I knew who the “killer was” immediately upon seeing him after that cut. Which may not be a big deal for other people, but it was a bit of a buzz kill for me.

Run Time: 89 minutes

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