Dear Sick Me,

Please remember a few things the next time this happens:

1.       Wash your face. I know you’re sick, you’re not going to get out of your PJs or brush your hair, but before you crawl from the bed to the couch, wash your face. It makes everything a little better.

2.       Just do the GD dishes. You’re going to fret over it for about an hour, and end up doing them anyway. Know yourself. Clean and just get it out of the way.

3.       Don’t beat yourself up over the fact that you can’t read when you’re sick. Katie can’t knit. You can’t read. Everyone has their quirks.

4.       Don’t be too proud to medicate. Sudafed and Mucinex are your friends (though not at the same time) and always remember you need a full 12 hours before you’re going to be even remotely human after you’ve taken Nyquil – 13 if it’s Green Death flavor.

5.       Remember: You actually like the Green Death flavor Nyquil. So all your grimacing will be for naught – it’s obviously the sickness that makes you somehow enjoy the flavor of black licorice. (If you read this in good health, you may choose not to believe that disgusting fact.)

 - Yourself

Death by Yellow

It’s the newest craze it seems… if you’re a bird.

Earl drives a bright yellow Nissan X-Terra. Its color should make it pretty hard to miss, right? Well apparently birds can’t see the color yellow. It’s almost as if, things that are painted yellow simply aren’t seen by those pesky disease-ridden things.

In the past few weeks, we’ve had two birds successfully commit suicide by flying into the car. The first didn’t do much. It died, nuff said. The second hit the headlamp on the passenger side, exploding in to a cloud of feathers. I honestly wondered if we’d hit a pillow instead of a pigeon.

But these two that have succeeded have not been alone in their attempts. Apparently “Death by Yellow” is all the rage (also sounds like an awesome band. name if I ever join one I’ll suggest it). I think that these birds need some help. Taking their own lives is not the answer to their problems. I’ve written an open letter to any birds contemplating suicide.

Dear Birds,

There is hope in your lives, whether you accept to acknowledge it or not. Don’t look for the easy way out if you’re feeling discouraged, if you can’t pay the mortgage on your nest, or if your ladybird is chirping your ear off. Know that there is always someone willing to help. Find a birdbath and talk it out with friends. But if you do feel it’s necessary to die by yellow…. FIND A CAB AND STAY AWAY FROM ME!