Godzilla: In Defense of the Big Guy.

I spend a lot of time listening to people (I’m not a creep, I’m a writer). And yesterday, I heard one coworker tell a small gaggle of other coworkers his lament over the waste of good $$ on the newest incarnation of Godzilla.

I will admit it has flaws. I will also admit some of those flaws are things I loved.

This version of Godzilla felt like an attempt at a geek love letter, but after it was written, someone got their hands on it and tried to edit that love letter to force more commercial viability, and that was never going to work.

Chiefly, CWs complaints were that it was cheesy, and he was annoyed that Bryan Cranston died so soon in the plot.

Maybe it’s because I love actually cheesy movies, but I don’t know why he called it cheesy. He did mention that part of it was in the way Ken Watanabe delivers the initial instance of “Gojira.” Which, sure, some of the dialogue left a bit to be desired, but I for one was incredibly happy that the first time the big guy’s name is mentioned it’s in the original Japanese.

As for Bryan Cranston biting it in the first 1/4 of the movie, this was another thing I didn’t have a problem with. Part of that might be because I’m not a huge fan of the actor. I’ve seen him in things here and there – Madmen is still in my queue of things I need to watch – and he’s a good actor, but I felt no tie to him. His character’s purpose was fulfilled, and it really wouldn’t have made sense for him to continue on in the plot. But I was surprised that he died – don’t get me wrong. I expected his character to be carried on and through, for sure.

One of the reasons I’m okay with Cranston’s deathon the big screen, is because I never felt like there was a specific human character who was the protagonist.

Let me explain. After watching this film, I can say unequivocally that Godzilla is the protagonist, and that the humans really were just trying to clean up the messes they made for themselves. The movie would have been a lot shorter, but the best thing those involved could have done was a massive and immediate evacuation of San Francisco, and then let Godzilla take over from there. Did they? No. Should they have based on the information they had? No. But in the end, it did come out looking like we spent a whole heck of a lot of time shooting ourselves in the foot.

Sure Aaron Taylor-Johnson was there to be our human ears and eyes for a large portion of it, but I still don’t consider his character to be the protagonist (even though I’m sure he’s supposed to be).

The MUTO was the first bit of this movie that threw me for a loop. Mostly because I wasn’t expecting to spend so much time with the bad monsters right off the bat. I did love the addition of the second MUTO, it made sense, and the scene where they find that it’s escaped from where they buried it is kind of spectacular. But there was one spectacular moment, when the first MUTO is crawling its way out of the pit-that-was-a-nuclear reactor… where I got very worried that my adamant statement that “It can’t be worse than the Broderick version” was about to be proven horribly wrong.

Overall, I think the movie was wonderful. It had some flow issues, sure, but I think the nod it gave to those of us who love the progression of this monster, from bad guy in a foam-rubber suit, to digitally designed hero (who still spits radioactive beams!), is a wonderful thing.

(In actually talking to CW later, I found out he’s never seen any other version of Godzilla – not even the bad Broderick one. So maybe I’ll give him a pass. This time.)

Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters

Left in the woods as children, Hansel and Gretel are captured by a witch who lives in a house made of candy. But before she can eat them they manage to knock her into her own oven, escaping death. Now, grown up and with a reputation as the baddest witch hunters around, they’ve come to a small village where children are disappearing at an alarming rate – and in unusual ways. But figuring out what this witch wants will prove what they knew of their past to be wrong, and could alter their future for good… or evil.

My Thoughts:

This could have been retitled: Gretel and her brother who must have a weapon on his shoulder AT ALL TIMES. He’s got a gun perched there whenever he can, and when he loses his gun, he’ll pick up the nearest piece of timber. It was a subtle thing that I found remarkably funny.

The Dialog is weird at first, but once you realize it’s a cheesy comedy, we’re good. It actually improves things a bit. Oddly most of the oddity (and eventual awesomeness) comes in Jeremy Renner’s lines.

I would have preferred a less rote opening sequence. More explanation of what the Hell a “Granwitch” is, and can I get one at the local Deli? Or is it more like the Broodwitch? Also, a little more about the sugar sickness would have been great. For instance, how is it that there’s such a high prevalence of sugar sickness that it’s just a “thing” in the film? Are there that many kids getting away from witches?

CREEP-O FAN KID ALERT! There’s something to be said for hero-worship. There’s something else entirely to be said for getting too  friendly in your “cleaning” of a girl who’s passed out. I wasn’t really sure what was going on with him. We’re introduced to him as he steals milk from a village stall, and then he’s the uber-nerd of the village/pervert, and then he’s totally okay with the “Glinda” character, and then he’s suddenly a part of the team. His inclusion mostly just confused me.

I did not think the Sheriff was going to go out that quickly. I enjoy Peter Stormare as an actor. I did not like his mustache. There is something enjoyable about a chick beating the crap out of a prick, and so Gretel’s treatment of him was comical. But I expected her to save him. To give himself a chance to redeem himself… so his death was surprising – but not unwelcome..

In All honesty, I do think they could have sub-titled the movie “Who the fuck is Edward?” But why is it the troll had to have such a boring name as that? Also, when did Gretel decide that a troll was the best thing to just FLOP down on? and since when do we assume Trolls are good pillows?

This flick had some of the best approaches to fight scenes I’ve seen in ages. I was really happy with the fact that each fight saw the siblings getting their asses handed to t hem. The “Roll in like a badass” foiling at the end is probably my favorite, though. It’s one of those things that has always bothered me about fight scenes. I’m sure there’s some tactical advantage to rolling through that door… but EVERYONE KNOWS YOU’RE GOING TO DO IT AT THIS POINT. So I was happy to see the baddie prepared.

Skyfall

When a thief gets away with a list of undercover operatives in the middle east and Bond is shot by another agent, the ministry is left in a painful spot. An explosion at MI-6 brings bond back to London and M sends him out to find the computer mastermind who’d hacked their systems and has the list before he can sell it.

My Thoughts:

*Raises hand* I have a question. What is the point of the building in Shanghai where the floors are a maze of glass walls reflecting the psychedelic adverts and light show out the window? Is it just an homage to the bond opening sequences we’re all so used to? It seemed as though that building was there just to be used as a sniper’s vantage.

In all honesty, I have not spent much time watching Javier Bardem’s films. I do not seek them out. But he does have a gift for playing the criminally insane. Also, he seems to like parts that require him to adopt a gross hairstyle. The Cyanide (almost Gollum-like) face transformation was strange. It left me wondering what sort of dental implant would also hold up his skin and why removing it would make the surface of his cheek look suddenly stringy.

When Silva kills Severine and Bond does little to nothing for her, it kills emotional resonance with Bond. Especially the way Craig played it. There is no remorse, no sorry. Bond is apathetic to her death. Something that makes him all the more callous for the shower scene minutes earlier. In essence, it show’s Bond treating her exactly the same way everyone else is treating her: as a whore.

The introduction of the new Q was fun. I enjoyed the less than socially adept, but not completely bumbling around a legendary agent approach they took with his first meeting with bond. Sadly though, I felt that he quickly turned to a cocky little snipe. Which I suppose is what we all expected from him. I would have appreciated a different go. One where he’s brilliant because he respects the system, not because he’s never run up against a wall that made him step back and wonder if maybe he isn’t the biggest fish. And, I wish they wouldn’t have done the cliché “hooking up the comp/letting him in thereby ‘out’” thing. It feels remarkably over done, and a little lazy.

It’s a damn good thing they sold the house.

I have always found underwater fights in film to be unrealistic. It’s like when characters shoot a car until it blows up (though that effect in this film I was willing to over look, because who knows what incendiary devices were in that car) it’s a Hollywood contrivance. Bond  might have been able to kill that dude underwater and then be totally peachy for air under normal circumstances, but we’ve already addressed that he’s not at top shape. So I don’t think it’s realistic to think he’d be able to swim back down and find the flare gun to get himself out. (Also, why isn’t he shivering to death after he gets out? It’s cold enough that breath is a big white cloud, he should be FREEZING.

I was very happy to see Judi Dench in an augmented roll. I t certainly made what was going to happen more obvious, and I’m sad to see her go, but I am glad we got so much of her in this film

Moneypenny and the new “M” were rather predictable. I believe I called it as soon as Eve mentioned she’d be helping Mallory. Let’s be honest, Ralph Fiennes is too big a name to be relegated to a lowly role.  It almost feels as though they’re trying to connect things up to the Connery Bond films?

Dredd 3D

 

On what seems to be a routine drug bust in the Peach Trees Mega Block, Judge Dredd and his on-assessment Rookie Judge Anderson, find their names on the top of Ma-Ma’s hit list. With the mega block in defcon lockdown, the two judges will be their only back up as they work their way through the swarms of gang members on the hunt for them. Pretty soon they realize, their only way out alive is to go for Ma-Ma herself.

 

My Thoughts:

This movie came out feeling like Art -house-goes-Gorehouse. Most of the 3D sequences feel like someone wanted to make the experience of Slo-mo to feel like a surrealist painting… on high saturation. And while I think the fuzz of this effect was a little eye-bobbling, I liked it as a method of immersing the audience in an aspect of the drug – affecting several sensory reactions.

The judge on judge action – and if you pay attention to the credits, you’ll find its Karl on Karl action – was pretty fun, even though it was hard to keep track of who was who (trying to keep track of that perpetual scowl is a little dizzying).

I’m happy to see that skate culture is still alive and well in the future – though their choice of venue is less than desirable. I have a feeling the conceptual artists looked to the suspended tennis court in Dubai for a large part of their inspiration on that.

The techie (Bill Weasley, anyone?) was an interesting character. His eyes were really cool, though they made mine hurt. And after finding out that Ma-Ma basically tore his previous eyes out, it is an interesting idea that he wouldn’t find a way to ignore some things… I would have felt like his character was more of a victim if he’d tried to ignore the fact that Caleb got nabbed… but someone else points it out and he has to tell Ma-Ma or else look like he was trying to hurt her enterprise.

 

I was not expecting them to show Ma-Ma’s death… the actual moment of impact, I mean. There were a few brief seconds, where I thought they were going to show it from the side, and I honestly questioned how they were going to accomplish that and not make it look incredibly cheesy. The face into the camera choice was a better one, imo, and it lent itself to the general Art/Gore feeling the movie has in general.

And if nothing else… I’m really happy in the upgrade from the previous Dredd uniform. (Cod-pieces should never come back into style. EVER.)

Run Time: 95 minutes

The Amazing Spider-man

When Peter Parker discovers his father’s old briefcase, and within it, clues to the research he’d done before his untimely death, curiosity takes him to Ozcorp to find the scientist who worked with him. In his explorations though, he’s bitten by a genetically modified spider, and things… well, things go awry, as they usually do in that sort of instance.

My Thoughts:

Snarky Spidey is what I remember and love as a child of the 90s who watched the cartoon. I appreciate that he’s quiet and seemingly mild mannered without the suit on, but slowly comes out of his shell as the film went on. I did love the direct references and nods to the comic/cartoon. They were complete fan service and I loved every second of it.

Pony Boy! What are you doing on a bridge in NYC? (and thank you for not continuing to dye your hair blond.

The character of Flash kept confusing me, for the simple fact of his name. I kept thinking, tie in to another film, and then remembering that the Flash was from DC and so that would have been an impossible crossover. It was mildly distracting.

Denis Leary is wonderful as Captain Stacy. It felt rather removed from what I’m used to seeing him in, and that was wonderful. And I totally believed him as Emma Stone’s father – and as the daughter of a police officer, I felt like his portrayal was completely spot on.

The funniest part of the movie was when the Lizard shows up at the high school, and Spidey’s just managed to do a full wrap on him to keep him contained for a moment, and he tells Gwen he’s going to throw her out the window. Her reaction (to his words and subsequently being thrown out the window) were hilarious.

I had a problem with the fact that the quest to find Uncle Ben’s Killer is completely forgotten. It’s one of those things, where I know that in real life, you do sometimes set aside something that consumed you for something else, but it felt like a total let down when there was no mention of it after the bridge scene.

One thing that I really appricate about the Lizard as a villain is that his initial motivations are good. He wants to cure people, he wants to help them, but because of corporate greed (and perhaps a bit of inevitable mortality) he’s pushed to do something radical, and then he begins a slow spiral into madness. It’s a classic case of good guy gone bad. However, in that vein, it bothers me that after the bridge scene, the corporate guy disappears from the movie’s plot.

Lockout

Lockout



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 Why I saw it: I haven’t been paying much attention, so when Sara Creasy brought it up, I looked into it… and immediately got excited. And frankly, the trailer was entertaining enough to give it a shot (AND IT’S SF, or at least it’s the type of SF I wish more SF movies were. Too many things anymore are muddling the line anymore.

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What I thought: Scientific inaccuracies aside, it was a lot of fun. I love movies that are so much fun, I forget to be bothered by things that might otherwise irk me. ALSO THEY DEAL WITH A HACK JOB HAIR CUT THE RIGHT WAY… YOU GUYS! I’m not sure if it’s sad that I’m as excited about that as I am. 

Someone (I think it was io9, and please correct me in the comments if I’m wrong) said this movie is like Escape from New York – In space! and I’m so happy they were not off the mark in that statement.

Run Time: 95 minutes

Buy the Film

Iron Sky

When a promotional trip to put a black man on the moon goes wrong and he’s captured by Nazis, the group of Nazis who’ve been living on a base on the dark side of the moon since 1945 realizes the key to their successful invasion of Earth lies in the micro computers known as “Cell Phones.” Having turned their captured James Washington Aryan, the next in line for command of the fourth reich heads to the surface of the planet to procure more cell phones. But his plans are side tracked as he falls in league with a PR dictator.

My Thoughts:

This flick was really funny, I realize I’m about to heavily critisice it – but that’s from a historical/political stand point. I was laughing through about 85% of this film.

After the initial “Holy wow! There are Nazis on the Moon?” moment, this film has the cutest German lilted data dump ever.

I’m not sure I believe that Nazis, even moon Nazis, would use “albinizer” on a black man. And even if they did/would, albinism is a genetic defect… one the Aryan race might not have thought to be the worst… but still, they were looking for perfection. A defect doesn’t really work in their favor.

I do have a really hard time with how dumb the character of James Washington is when he first finds himself with the Nazis. I mean, here’s a guy who eventually uses a Dr. Mengle reference, but sees a group of guys in Nazi uniforms and thinks that talking about his love of sauerkraut is going to be a distraction. Sure, it works, but not at all well.

While I found the whole of the film’s portrayal of Americans – more specifically the American Government – to be a funny series of jibes. I’m sure there are a lot of people who would not find it funny. Maybe that’s why it took so long to get to an easily accessible American audience.

The character of Vivian Wagner was a little too much imo. She passed the point of being funny, and moved into the realm of wholly unbelievable. And I am not even going to talk about her wardrobe because I don’t think I’ll ever be able to come to terms with how messed up it was.

I totally want a space Zeppelin.  

IRON OXIDE SKY, the sequel, will take place on Mars – the “Red” planet will be overrun by Commies. (Kidding of course)

The Three Musketeers (3D)

D’Artagnan sets out for Paris to become a Musketeer, but when he arrives, he finds himself on the wrong side of the Cardinal’s guards and teamed up with the as of now out of work Three Musketeers. When the Cardinal sets out a plot to frame the Queen for treason and take the reins of the country, D’Artagnan and the Three Musketeers are the only ones Her Majesty can trust to safely foil his plot.

My Thoughts:

What a great cast! I remember seeing the previews/lead up to this movie and thinking: Ray Stevenson! Milla Jovovich! Matthew MacFadyen! Christoph Waltz! It was one of the main things that made me want to watch the movie, and then, watching it, I was met with more: Mads Mickelson! James Corden! (I was less excited about Orlando Bloom)

And the steampunk element made me doubly excited to see the film, though it’s not quite as steampunky as I was hoping for. I do wish they would have played that up more than they did especially since the original plot line is not deviated from much.

The Hair in this film is pretty tragic. Luke Evens is too greasy for his own good, Logan Lerman either had a very bad wig or the cut has to have been a mistake that they rolled with. Orlando Bloom’s Pompadour/fauxhawk…. I just don’t even know where to go with that one. As a whole the hair was rather distracting.  

I loved that directly after the Queen’s power in a game of Chess is expounded upon, the real-life similarities are shown. And that leads to the beginning of just how adorable the King and Queen are together. I’m glad that they weren’t a large focus of the film, but the little glimpses of their relationship (as needed by the plot) were perfectly delightful.

I am glad that it wasn’t ridiculously 3D gimmicky. With the exception of a few things, noting felt purposefully thrown at the camera. In fact there were several moments where I thought they could have used that method of telling and not had a problem, but didn’t.

The lady in waiting tied to the figurehead did not seem realistic to me, for one thing, it was oddly shown on screen, for another it doesn’t seem like something that could realistically be done and undone in the air.

The fact that this movie left such an open ending bothers me. Since there is no sequel in sight, as far as I can tell, it’s depressing to have it so clearly setting up for one. And I don’t know how I feel about the fact Milady survives. Because herself sacrifice (albeit bluntly done in this film – the dialog after was too clunky) is a huge moment of character redemption that doesn’t seem like she should have survived.

Killer Elite

Out of the game hitman, Danny, is pulled back in for one last job to save his friend’s life. The job isn’t one he’d take if Hunter’s life wasn’t on the line: Killing 3 British SAS officers isn’t going to be a walk in the park for anyone – no matter their skill set.

With the help of two pals from the old days, Danny sets about getting the soldier’s confessions and making their death’s look like accidents. Unbeknownst to Danny, the Feather Men, a society of Ex-SAS, are tracking his movements and trying to save the lives of their brethren. Killing the elite is not a task for the faint of Heart.

My Thoughts:

I haven’t read the novel this is adapted from, and I don’t know that I will. I’m not always a fan of fiction based on true events like this, especially when the author is a part of the story. Also, this is one of those movies, where I don’t really know who to root for. I know Jason Statham’s character is supposed to be the hero (or in this case the anti-hero) but I can’t really find a reason to like him for what he’s doing. Sure, he’s trying to save his friend’s life, but I don’t think that’s enough in this case. You have a dying man who wants his son’s avenged – and I’m of the opinion that in War-time there are unfortunate and often avoidable deaths that can’t be  tried in a normal manner. And I don’t see much of any reason to care who wins on either side.

Making the deaths look like an accident is… odd. Honeslty, the second death – faking hypothermia – is the only one that I think they did right. In the first instance, they took the time to get the tile’s matched and glue them to a hammer… but they didn’t take the time to make the hammer consistent with the shape of the shower’s lip? You have a flat corner… that you’re trying to emulate with a pointed hammer? And the third death, while, sure it looks like an accident. I’ll give you that, it’s an incredibly dick move to put that man’s death on someone else’s conscience. I realize you’re hitmen, but have a little respect.

Dominic Purcell could not have looked more creep-tastic…. Unless maybe if they’d given him pedo tendancies. I know it’s the 80’s when this is taking place, but I feel like his character never left the seventies. It simply feels wrong.  

Runtime: 116 minutes

Warehouse 13 Season 3, Episode 10: Insatiable

Ithaca New York may be the breeding grounds of a zombie plague. As Myka and Pete race of to find the artifact causing it, Claudia deals with her grief at Steve’s departure, meets a new boy and has a run in with an artifact in the warehouse that predicts her death. Burned by the department, Jinks finds himself in a bar, unable to pay his tab, and is helped by Marcus Diamond who offers him a chance at revenge on Mrs. Fredric and the Warehouse.

Artifacts shown in this episode:

Sallah The Soothsaying Sultan – A fortune telling booth that hypnotizes the person affected and leaves them with feelins of extreme dread. Actively ingorning the predictions counteracts them.

Albert Butz’s Eyeglasses – Once worn by the inventor of the thermostat, the glasses raise a person’s body temperature.

Eau de Vie Faucet – Water engulfs the nearest living person, drowning them (if counteracted, leaves the individual completely Dry. Counteracted by electric shock, as Leena snaps the water and deactivates it.

Donner Party Jar – Putting money in the jar causes you to experience the same conditions as those unfortunate souls in the Donner party, namely freezing to death and cannibalistic urges.

My Thoughts:

This whole Jinks going over to the dark side plot line is strange. I don’t like it. It doesn’t feel like something his character would do, and that bothers me. I’m sure it’ll have a underlying point as the season progresses, but I’m still a little thrown by it.

For someone as freaked out about Zombies… Pete jumps to some conclusions pretty fast. I mean, as a person who lives in a house with well over 80 zombie flicks, I wansn’t sure why he was so hell bent on the Zombie tract, but whatever.

The burrito truck as the source was pretty obvious, but that might just be me, and I called the Tip jar as soon as Myka started to show the side effects. I’m not sure why, at one point, Pete says everyone effected is too far gone to talk… since Myka is standing right there, able to talk. And it’d make a lot more sense to have back tracked her first.

Conan the Barbarian

Overall:  

You couldn’t really go downhill from the Arnold version, and this one didn’t it’s decently done for a story where the initial source material had as much intelligible dialog as a conversation between infants.

What I liked:

The matte paintings of the cities were pretty freaking gorgeous. I’m a sucker for beautifully done cityscapes, I won’t lie. These places are rough and tumble and I’d likely end up someone’s slave in a little over three minutes, but I still want to go there because they are gorgeous (granted, I’m sure they smell awful).

The sand men were a pretty cool take on a concept that could have come across as tired and worn. They were just unique enough to keep me from being bored with them. I think I would have liked for them to be a bit bigger of a plot device though, not just that one scene.

Rose McGowan’s character was a perfect mix of “I want to please daddy” and creep factor. I’m not sure why, but I have a feeling that might be all she’s going to be good at anymore. It worked for her in this film, and I think it would serve her well to seek out more of this type of roll.

The Problems:

Some of the dialog came across SUUUUUUUUUUUUPER stilted. I realize that they didn’t have contractions back in the day that this sort of thing is set in, and part of it was delivery on the actor’s parts. But it wasn’t awful, just caught me up occasionally.

I felt like it needed more time to tell the story in, as it was it felt rushed for as grand a tale as it is. I think that, had they had a little more time, this movie could have been immensely better.

Other, random thoughts:

Am I the only one who noticed an odd number of Game of Thrones parallels? Conan is Drogo, Artus is Xaro Xhoan Daxos, and Someone dies with molten metal poured over their head… and there are other things that I’m forgetting as I write this… I’ll come back and update once I remember them.

Runtime: 113 minutes

Buy the Film

Transformers: Dark of the Moon

Overall:

Not as good as the first, but better than the second.

Things I liked:

Alan Tudyk. I think he may have been one of the funniest parts of the movie, although he may be a very minor part. He is fabulous.

I enjoyed the amount of history they brought into this movie. And, while I feel they could have done it a little better, I’m happy they tried as hard as they did. I especially enjoy movies that broach the subject of Chernobyl and don’t outright demonize it. It was an atrocious event, but these things happen in the never-ending human conquest for furthering our kind. And I felt that the parallels of the “immanent” destruction at the end were kind of fitting.

There’s a point where a building in Chicago is being cut in half more or less by the Decepticons, and its top portion ends up at an extreme angle to the ground, which brought about some rather fun action moments.

I appreciate that these movies aren’t rehashing the same plot over and over again. They really are trying to create separate storylines that encapsulate rather different tonal mediums… but in the end Michael Bay is going to blow stuff up.

And sometimes, you just want a “Michael Bay blowing stuff up” movie.

The Problems:

It does get off to a rather slow start, and I’m not certain why we needed that much back story.

WHY THE HECK ARE THE DECEPTICONS "BLEEDING" ALL OF A SUDDEN? Did I just block that out in the first two? Because let’s face it. They don’t need to bleed or have a blood substitute. It’s just not necessary!

There were some things in the plot that weren't explained enough, so I wasn't in awe at the craziness of it... I was still trying to figure out how that was going to work out anyway. I mean, transporting the planet into Earth’s atmosphere? What? I guess if the planet was hollow and was going to be like encased around Earth it might make sense… but it just wasn’t explained concisely enough to give me any sense of real foreboding.

I felt like the addition of the Victoria Secret model was an unnecessary addition... I don't think Sam needs a girl to make the story work. However, she did class the movie up a bit compared to Megan "shove the camera up my a$$" Fox and was a fairly decent actress, considering that she’d only ever done VS commercials before.

Runtime: 154 minutes

Buy the Film

Super 8

When a group of kids sneak out of their house to work on a Super 8 film they plan to submit to an international film festival, they witness a train crash that will turn their quiet town upside down as the air force descends on them to deal with the clean up.

As the kids try to work the crash into their script, they unwittingly start to unravel a conspiracy, and find one of their number taken by the alien entity the government is trying to recapture and cover up. In saving her, they come to realize that not all things alien are inherently bad.

My Thoughts:

J.J. Abrams can be pretty hit or miss for me. But this movie is better than I expected. With all the hype, I was a little worried it was being over sold, and while I don’t believe it’s the best movie I’ve ever seen, it is extremely enjoyable and overall, a good SF/Adventure movie.

I wouldn’t call this movie a Goonies for the new generation, though I can understand why many make that correlation. There’s something very akin to the adventure that group of kids takes, but this movie has something else. Something that feels inherently other. There’s a darkness to this movie that the Goonies didn’t have. And in some ways, I think that makes this a better movie.

Can we take a step back and realize that Elle Fanning is only twelve in this? I’m not sure whether to be impressed by her amazing acting ability… or scared that that little girl is ONLY twelve! She does not look that young.

Run Time: 113 minutes

Bunraku

In a world without guns, the woodcutter is the most powerful man west of the Atlantic. This has made him many enemies. Two drifters arrive in town both with similar, yet different goals. Both with a grudge against the woodcutter… both likely to die without the others help.

The Problems:

There is a point, at which, Josh Hartnett’s character goes up against one of the killers one on one, and they set up for what could be an awesome trapeze battle… but the buildup is all for naught. I get what they’re going for, with the idea that the hero can’t be good at everything, but in something like this, where the story is a little cartoonish in and of itself, it would have been amazing to see a choreographed trapeze fight. I guess I’ll just have to hold my breath on that one until I can find one in another movie.

Demi Moore’s character dies at the end of the film… at least, I think she does? The death itself is so quick, and then so quickly overlooked to get to the “big fight” at the end, that it felt really hollow, and meaningless. When it shouldn’t have, because her character has just managed to drag herself out of her own defeatist outlook on life and sacrifices herself by getting a pair of scissors to save another girl. It just felt wrong to end her like that.

What I liked:

The film has a very visually enticing quality. It’s somewhere between stage-production and Pop-up book. And they used lighting in a way very reminiscent of stage production, which I heartily enjoyed. It’s something I haven’t seen much of in the way of film and it made the movie a lot more fun than I think it might have been otherwise. Sure, they could have done the film a different way, played it much more “straight” but as it is, I think it’s amazing in its novelty factor.

The cast is Lovely. Kevin McKidd as Killer Number 2 was a lot of fun. He was a villain I enjoyed for the pure audacity of him. He’s smug and a smooth talker, who can kick your ass, all without dislodging his pince-nez. Woody Harrelson isn’t as goofy as he usually is, playing the sedate, limping bartender, but he’s got an air of that child-like nature to him, that you see any time someone picks a fight around him.

Oh, and I really want a translucent claw-foot tub now.

Overall:

I’m telling anyone I know who likes films to watch this. I feel like – as long as you don’t mind a little violence – it’s definitely worth your time.

Run Time: 124 minutes

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The Expendables

A group of mercenaries are hired to take out the dictator-like authority on a small island, and find there’s more at stake than losing their paychecks.

  

The Problems:

OMG. Mickey Rourke "Tattoos" the "ables" part on the end of stallone's "Expendables” back piece.... With no stencil... in all of 10 seconds.... and then Stallone just puts a shirt on over it.... WTF?  Mr. Stallone. You directed, produce, wrote and starred in this film. YOU HAVE TATTOOS. You should know that what you just tried to sell me as an authentic tattoo session was so bogus I just can’t even talk about it. There was no attempt at making it feel real.

 I didn't think the Lacy storyline was necessary at all. Like. What the heck was she even there for? Just to get beat up? I know, it was to give Statham’s character depth or whatever but she felt like filler that they ran out of time to make relevant. There was no real resolution to her in the plot. She was just there as like... their token romance? Since the whole Sandra thing didn't have a chance of working out. And I know she's in the next one, but still.

What I liked:

 I was really happy that Stallone wasn’t some badass that took Steve Austin to school, because let’s face it, Sly’s not the ripest peach on the tree. So, when it comes down to their fight, I was very happy to see Stallone have his ass handed to him. Not because I want evil to prevail, but I’m glad to see he didn’t write himself a part that was unrealistic simply for vanity’s sake.

And that’s probably one of the things that makes this a good movie, the fact that it doesn’t try to be more than it is. It’s an action movie, with more action stars than you’re like to see in a long while (or, you know, until the sequel), and it doesn’t waste time trying to be more. It’s a simple plot, with a lot of shoot em up/blow shit up/save the day antics. And that works for this movie.

Run Time: 103 Minutes

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