When a Stranger Calls

This weekend I got a random call to my cell phone. I – like many people – don’t answer random numbers I don’t know. So, when a number from Tuscon appeared on my cell, I ingored it. Ten minutes later, a “restricted” number popped up on my screen and I declined that one too. Then I saw that both calls had resulted in voicemails.

The first voicemail I listened to long enough to find out it wasn’t for me and moved on to the second. All I knew was that Andy* was calling Angie for one reason or another, and I’m not Angie. So I deleted the message and moved to the next. The restricted number turned out to be Andy – who withheld his number in an attempt to get me, or rather, Angie, to pick up – and this time I listened, because really?

Turns out Andy told Angie she’d gained some weight. At this point I’m not really surprised that Angie gave him a fake number, but as I’m listening to it… I realize the fault might not have been on Angie’s side. Andy sounds like he’s 80 years old, mentally incompetent AND high as a kite.

I deleted them both and thought that was the end of it.

He called twice on Monday – with no messages left – withholding his number.

He called twice yesterday.

The first time he withheld the number. The second time he didn’t. And what came of the second call is quite possibly the strangest voicemail I’ve ever received:

Hey Angie this is Andy, um Suzy’s neighbor, I am sooooo sorry that I hurt your feelings. I didn’t mean to because it was just that you know I went through the same thing and I just started loosing cuz I  you know stip-but I also wanted to talk to you about me coming off of them an stuff so…. Please call me and I am so sorry.
I Love you. So.

…and don’t say anything but, um, you’re my favorite over you know. I mean I like Suzy a lot and I like (pauses like he’s trying to remember the name) Peg, but… Peg, I like a lot, but not like you an you know  you’re down to earth and you try to f*ck in all these weird  words and stuff. So please don’t tell em that but you are. You’re my favorite. I’m sorry, I really am

Call me. My number is 773-11…8…

Wait

7…3…3

Wait

7…3…

It’s 520 (completes his actual phone number)

I just got up so I’m sorry, Bye bye hun. I hope you’re doin’ alright.

* The names of those involve have been changed to protect the innocent (and incompetent)